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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25234882">What Did We Fight For?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackwatchAgent/pseuds/BlackwatchAgent'>BlackwatchAgent</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Child Death, Destroy Ending, Post-War, Shepard Survives (Mass Effect)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:22:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,099</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25234882</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackwatchAgent/pseuds/BlackwatchAgent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What did they fight for? What does happily ever after mean anyway? Shepard and Kaidan lose their daughter and struggle through their grief.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Did We Fight For?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’m sorry. This thought struck me and it was painful. I couldn’t let it go. Death is a part of life... but it doesn't make it suck any less.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It felt like the world was crashing down around Shepard’s shoulders. It had been years since the war and she had built such a beautiful life since then. In one moment, it felt like it was all being ripped away. A vice tightened around her chest and it was like no one was in the room. Kaidan’s presence faded away as Shepard focused on the young woman in front of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They held her hand as she took her last breaths. Their daughter, their baby girl, laid before them on a hospital bed. She was in a coma, her breathing assisted by machines. This morning the doctors confirmed that her brain activity had stopped. Dr. Michel’s voice sounded far away when she told them. There was nothing they could do. The first two human Spectres couldn’t fight this, they had to succumb to life’s ultimate truth...everything ends. The doctors pulled the plug and they watched their eldest child take her last breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sick thought settled in Shepard’s gut. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cerberus brought me back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew that would never happen again. Even if Miranda were willing, Shepard didn’t have the credits to bring her daughter back. No one had that kind of money. The guilt washed over her in waves, crashing against her skull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza was 19. She looked like her father, dark hair and tan skin. But her personality was all fire like her mother. She was always a daddy’s girl and Kaidan was putty in Eliza’s hands. Shepard could remember walking into the mess when Eliza was four and seeing her hanging in the air as Kaidan lifted her with his biotics. She screamed and giggled and called to Shepard, ‘mama look! I can fly!’ Kaidan’s face was so carefree around Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza grew up on the Normandy and would pick things up from the crew. She was smart and wanted to know everything about everything. James would often tease them about the impending struggles of her becoming a teenager.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Watch out Major… She’s going to be a handful.’ He chuckled once in the mess of the Normandy, trying to get a rise out of Kaidan.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t we know it.” Shepard had agreed, elbowing her husband in the ribs. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t really want to think about it.” He had answered with a smile on his face but Shepard could see the worry in his eyes. She had reached under the table to squeeze his hand, a silent promise to face it together. They were a team, always.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, staring at their daughter… Shepard longed for the woes of raising a teenager. She wished for nothing more than to intimidate Eliza’s would-be lovers. She would relish the opportunity to find her daughter sneaking out of their home in Vancouver. Hell, Shepard even entertained the joys of her daughter hiding an unsavory tattoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Above all else though, Shepard wished to hear her daughter laugh again. Eliza’s laugh was infectious. She would find something so utterly hilarious that she would laugh until there was no sound, clutching her sides in pain. As she came down from the humor, she would rub circles into her cheeks to massage out the ache that had settled there. Seeing her daughter so caught up in her laughter would often send Shepard into a fit of giggles of her own. She didn’t know how she would live without moments like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza had been so full of life. The limp body in front of Shepard had none of that spark. Her features had been distorted by trauma and swelling. Her nose had been broken and twisted. Her cheeks crushed. Shepard could trace the burns and welts down her neck and shoulders to where the blanket started covering her daughter’s body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slavers  had done this. Shepard and Kaidan had been fighting slavers for decades, since before the Reaper war. She had seen the atrocities they inflicted time and time again but had never seen anything like this. Shepard knew it was her fault. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had pissed them off and her daughter was revenge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza had been missing for six days when she was found in Afterlife. She was unconscious on a couch on the lower level of the club. No one had paid her any mind until Aria took notice. Aria called Shepard immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Shepard… My guys found her.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard struggled to breathe. She damn near ordered Joker to fly the Normandy there to pick up Eliza herself. Kaidan stopped her, knowing that a medical team was needed to transport their daughter to the Citadel. They both called in favors and used Spectre codes to get Eliza safely moved off Omega. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Aria described over that call haunted Shepard’s dreams but it couldn’t have prepared her for seeing Eliza in person. The smell is what struck Shepard first. The odor of medigel had overwhelmed her senses but underneath there was the smell of rot. Shepard struggled not to let the bile rise in her throat. The sounds of machines grated against her ears and raised her blood pressure. The machines had been the constant reminder that her daughter was dying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The slavers claimed their work as soon as they cleared Omega, threatening the other Shepard-Alenko children in the process. Shepard and Kaidan quickly made sure that their twins, David and Thane, were hidden away with Garrus and Tali. The Primarch had the best defenses in the Galaxy. The twins were still kids, they couldn’t even drive yet. They needed supervision, protection, and Shepard didn’t want them to see their big sister like this. Tali and Garrus were their godparents. They would die before they let anyone get to the boys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been two weeks since Tali picked them up. Kaidan and Shepard hadn’t left Eliza’s side in that time. Even with everything modern medicine had to offer, it was evident that she was too far gone by the time she made it to Huerta Memorial. The doctors couldn’t get the swelling under control and her brain activity slowly faded away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard swallowed hard thinking back to Kaidan in a similar bed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He came so close to this...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard found it difficult to do anything but dwell on unhappy thoughts. Kaidan snapped her out of particularly dark places several times. They fell into the habit of talking to Eliza constantly. It was a coping mechanism for the both of them. Sometimes they would chat about important things, sometimes about nonsense. Shepard told stories about her childhood on ships. She recounted victories from the war. She told Eliza about Ashley Williams, David Anderson and Thane Krios. Shepard said a silent prayer that they would meet Eliza on the other side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaidan had requisitioned a cot on the third night. They were nearing their sixties and sleeping in a chair night after night was taking its toll. They still didn’t sleep well, even with the cot, but it was easier to try and rest. They took turns but neither could get more than two hours sleep at a time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Councillor Hackett made sure they had food brought to them several times a day. He also kept them apprised of the search for the slavers. Liara was passing along information she found. There was video evidence of Eliza being abducted from her dorm at her University on Thessia but not much after that. Shepard watched the video over and over. They cracked Eliza’s skull against a wall and she went limp after that. The ache in Shepard’s chest spread after each viewing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She had an untreated head injury for days...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>‘That’s enough of that.’ Kaidan’s voice stopped her from playing it again. She knew she was obsessing and nodded in acquiescence. Shepard felt a burning desire to go out and bring the slavers to justice herself but after several days of soul searching, she let it go. Revenge would take away her last precious moments with her daughter. It would leave her with nothing but guilt and she wasn’t that kind of person. How many times had she stopped her friends from doing something similar?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fantasies of destroying the people who did this to her daughter still flooded her mind but she knew acting on them wouldn’t bring her peace, nothing would. A parent is never meant to lose a child. There would never be anything to soothe this particular pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse let them know that their daughter was gone. Her time of death was officially listed as 3:29 pm on May 9, 2210 Vancouver time. The Citadel equivalent time was listed on the death certificate as well but Shepard kept her eyes on the Vancouver time. It was a typical Wednesday back home. The boys should just be getting out of school. People were nearing the end of their work days. The galaxy was still spinning but Shepard’s world came to a standstill. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse explained that someone would be in touch about next steps as she left the room with a sad smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard felt the wail leave her body before she knew it was happening. The grief was overwhelming and pushed out all her strength. She sank to the floor and Kaidan came down with her. His hands were in hers and he squeezed gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard looked into his eyes and saw the same pain she was feeling. She climbed up onto his lap and he embraced her. After nearly 30 years together, she still felt safest in his arms. It felt good to let go in his warmth. She sniffled between sobs and found her hands bunched in his shirt. She tried to let go, flexing her hands to release the tension. She knew that Kaidan wouldn’t mind but a nagging voice in the back of her mind told her to get it together. Kaidan pulled her tighter and kissed her forehead. Shepard could feel the wetness of his tears on her skin and knew that he needed this as much as she did. She snaked her hands higher on his back and tightened her grip. He shook with silent tears against her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard wasn’t sure how long they stayed crying in a puddle on the floor. She vaguely remembered the door to the room opening and closing a few times but no one interrupted them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard reluctantly pulled away from Kaidan first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I should’ve retired…’ Her guilt and grief mixed into a poison in her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Jane…’ Kaidan’s voice was hoarse from crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘What’s the point in fighting, if I have nothing to fight for?’ Shepard felt so defeated. She fought tooth and nail for a chance at a life and here she was losing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Jane… Think about what you just said.’ HIs voice was gentle. He was trying to help her see reason without admonishing her. It was a skill he learned during the Reaper War and it made their relationship stronger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I know… I have you and the boys.’ It was a reluctant admission. She wanted to be angry. Anger obscured the hole in her heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘We still have Eliza too, she would want us to keep going. She would want us to live life in her honor. She would stomp right up to us and tell us to do all the things she can’t.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard smiled at the thought. It was true. Shepard could picture their daughter rushing up to Kaidan poking her finger into his chest as she spoke the words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I know. I’ll get there…’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘We will. You are never alone.’ Kaidan’s eyes met hers, a promise shining from them. They’re a team, even now… especially now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaidan pulled her up off the floor and settled her back in a chair. They found themselves speaking to their daughter’s body, making promises for the future.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Eliza was buried on Earth, near her grandfather and Admiral Anderson. Shepard hadn’t been back to the cemetery since Kaidan’s father had been buried. Maybe she would make a bigger effort now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone had come to say goodbye. Shepard and Kaidan’s mothers had planned the services. They both moved into the house as soon as Kaidan and Shepard returned home, making sure that they both ate and took the time they needed to grieve. Kaidan’s mom was a great cook and the boys had loved every meal since they’d been home. Shepard’s mom was great at pulling her out of spiraling thoughts about Eliza and focusing her attention back on the people around her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard blinked rapidly, pulling herself back to the present. She looked around the house, taking note of the familiar faces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Garrus and Tali brought the boys back, insisting on saying goodbye to their niece in person. They were now standing on either side of a blown up photo of Eliza. Tali no longer needed an enviro-suit on Rannoch but still wore a more casual version of her former suit on off world trips. Garrus’s scars had faded but there were new lines on his plates, signs of stress and age. His new role as Primarch was taking a toll. He often sent Shepard messages in the middle of his night asking for her counsel. He was still her best friend and Shepard knew that there was no one better suited to be Palaven’s Primarch. Still she wished that he could enjoy life a little more. She knew the weight he bore, those duties were part of the reason she turned down a Councillor position. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liara arrived quietly, staying out of the limelight. Even now, she was hanging back in the shadow of the hallway. It was Liara’s intel that helped Hackett take down the slaver ring. They had three main outposts and Hackett sent in every Spectre he could get a hold of to dismantle the entire operation. Shepard made a note to thank Liara after the memorial. She also noticed Feron standing in the shadows with Liara’s hand in his. She found herself smiling slightly. They were good together and it took them both far too long to admit it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James was currently standing with his daughter near the windows overlooking the bay. James had never married but had adopted Ana after the war. She was his cousin's daughter but his cousin had been killed during the initial Reaper invasion. James’ uncle had cared for Ana through the war. She was only two years old at the time. James’ uncle was injured during the Battle of Earth and struggled to walk after the war. When it became clear that he wouldn’t get around well enough to take care of Ana on his own, James stepped up. Shepard remembered James running into her room at the hospital the day the Normandy made it back to Earth. He was visibly nervous as he asked what he should do. He knew he would do whatever it took to care for Ana and was willing to retire for her. Shepard told him that she would find a way to make it work on the Normandy. She would never make him choose between family and service. James beamed with pride the day he brought Ana onto the Normandy. She was timid and shy but loved to learn and spent hours following Chawkwas and Gabby around the ship. James loved his little girl with all his heart and she grew into a beautiful young lady. Ana was six when Eliza was born… and they got into so much trouble growing up. Shepard was smiling more broadly now. The ache in her chest dulled at the memories of small feat padding around her ship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joker and EDI were sitting with the twins at the dining table. Shepard couldn’t overhear the conversation but could guess there were a couple jokes being thrown around. The boys loved Joker and EDI for their humor. Joker was now wheelchair bound but having EDI around helped. She never judged him for his disease and it made it easier for Joker not to feel ashamed when he needed help, which occurred with increasing frequency. Even now, EDI was adjusting Joker’s hat. If anyone else tried that, they would get an earful. Shepard remembered the months it took to get EDI back online. Joker let himself fall into oblivion, refusing to eat or bathe. He would have followed EDI into the abyss had there been no hope. The quarians were to thank for both EDI and the Geth coming back. Shepard went to Rannoch once a year to meet EDI and Joker for the week-long festival celebrating the restoration of the Geth. Even though EDI wasn’t officially recognized in the event, they all knew that it was her week too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was in the kitchen with Miranda. They had formed an unlikely friendship after the war. Jack had found Shepard on the Citadel. She fought tooth and nail to find Miranda once she realized who was under all the rubble. Miranda worked with the best Alliance doctors to fix Shepard’s cybernetics. It took nearly a year. Jack never left the hospital it seemed and pushed Shepard through physical therapy when she had no one else. They both helped keep Shepard sane while the Normandy was MIA. When Eliza was born, Shepard made them both her godmothers. Kaidan took some convincing but knew that Shepard was only alive because of both women. They were both quiet but didn’t try to hide their grief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrex, Bakara, and several of their children were on the couches in the center of the room. Bakara looked up at Shepard with a sad smile. If anyone knew what it was like to lose a child, it was Bakara. Shepard nodded and smiled in return before Bakara returned her attention to her lively brood. The young Krogan were loudly debating which of them would win against Shepard in a fight. In unison Wrex and Bakara said none of them. The kids groaned. Shepard chuckled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘You seem to be enjoying yourself.’ Kaidan had walked up beside her. She hadn’t finished scanning the faces of their guests but didn’t need to, she could feel the love everywhere in the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Admiring life.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘This is what we fought for.’ Kaidan’s tone was serious, he wrapped Shepard in his arms and kissed the top of her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘That we did.’ She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and kissed him. She didn’t care that everyone could see. She heard James and Ana teasing them but it didn’t matter. David and Thane’s groans reached her ears and she smiled against Kaidan’s lips. She would live for her daughter and that included kissing her husband like no one was watching.</span>
</p>
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